I'm Here to Crash Your (Anti) Party
by Phantom Creedy Lover
Summary: Oneshot. Darcy Lewis dresses up as Loki for Tony's Halloween party, much to her friends' chagrin. Loki is strangely turned on, and Tony and Human!Jarvis play overprotective dad.


**Quick thing I did for the tasertricks Halloween exchange on tumblr.  
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**Pairings: Loki/Darcy, Clint/Bobbi Morse, Clnt/Darcy and Tony/Jarvis bromances. Mostly other canon stuff is merely hinted at,**

**Cameo by Wade Wilson, just FYI.**

**Random backstory/exposition that wouldn't fit anywhere or would screw up the beginning humor: Post-Avengers. Maybe a year-ish afterward. Loki carried out his punishment back on Asgard and had some of his powers limited. Thor took him back to Earth. He had been warned against it, but as far as he was concerned, it was the only way he could make sure his brother would not repeat the past. Loki's not happy about it, but it's either be a good/neutral party or bust, so that's that. Tony isn't the angst machine he is in the new Iron Man 3 trailer, either.**

* * *

Darcy Lewis sighed as she struggled to wrestle her chest into the leather vest that was part of her costume. She loved her friend Lexi for helping her make the costume, she really did, but the fact that she had to follow the trend and make every costume skin tight was getting aggravating. She got into them. "Alright, Girls. You stay put. Can I breathe?" She paused a moment to check. "Yes I can. Alright, what else…?" She turned around, then got the thick gold necklace that had to go on next. "Right," She tossed that over her shoulders, then looked in the mirror. "So far, so good."

There was a knock on the door. "Hey, Princess Sarcastic, I have my old cape. You decent?"

"Yeah!" Darcy called.

Clint poked his head in, his hand still covering his eyes. Darcy had pulled the same thing to him ages ago to try and get a glimpse of his ass. She had gotten an eyeful of him and her best friend Bobbi about to get hot and heavy. He moved two of his fingers, and, satisfied she wasn't just trying to turn the tables, let his hand drop. He stepped inside, then held up his black cape from the time he was Robin for Halloween as a kid. "Here ya go, Milady."

Darcy giggled, then took it. "Looks like you never changed interests. So who was Batman?"

"An old friend who ended up being an enemy ten years later." Clint replied, dropping on her bed. He looked her up and down and frowned. "Loki, though? Really? You wanted my help with dressing up… as the guy who mind controlled me for a week?"

Darcy frowned. "I can't help that his fashion sense is awesome. Besides, he's kinda neutral now, and Tony's version of house arrest is putting him through watching us party tonight."

Clint sighed. "He's insane_- they're_ insane- Loki _and_ Tony."

"You're insane." Darcy countered, then sighed. "So, you and Bobbi doing those couple costumes again? Knight and Princess? Ketchup and Mustard? Robin Hood and Maid Marion?"

"Well, actually it's Robin Hood and Kate from A Knights Tale." Clint replied.

Darcy laughed. "You guys are adorable. And isn't that the one where the guy who looks like Jarvis is butt naked?" She tucked the edges of the cape around the necklace and tied it behind it.

"You're in love with a psycho, and yes." Clint replied.

"I just said I liked his fashion sense, bro!" Darcy shot back. "Now, come on. You gotta get up and go get dressed 'fore we get to the party."

Clint groaned and took her hands, pushing up. "Alright. Meet Bobbi and I up front in fifteen to head to Tony's?"

"Deal. See ya." Darcy opened the door for him, and he mock-saluted before heading down the hallway of their apartment complex.

When the Stark Limo pulled up, Darcy, Bobbi and Clint all piled in. The divider between the driver's section and passenger section rolled down. Edwin Jarvis hooked one arm around the seat beside him and arched an eyebrow at Darcy. "You do realize Tony's going to kill you…?"

Darcy tossed her hands up. "Does no one appreciate the genius that went into this costume?"

"I do, Babe! It's cute- creepy, but cute." Bobbi cut in.

"Thank you!" Darcy pointed at her. She crossed her arms over her chest. "People can't appreciate creativity anymore!"

They got to the Avengers Tower, and all piled into the elevator. They made their way up to Tony's penthouse and filed out.

Tony, whose costume, was, as expected, just his Iron Man suit, just with the faceplate up, approached them. At first, he was happy to see them, and then he took in Darcy's costume. "… Why?"

" 'Cause I can, Tony Danza." She replied, then pushed her way past him to get to Thor, Jane, and Loki. Jane wasn't all that original. She just played up the scientist role, with a lab coat, glasses and her hair up in a bun. Thor, on the other hand, was in a plaid shirt that was even too large for him, jeans, and a hard hat. He called himself 'What midgardians call a lumberjack', which Darcy adored, and Loki, well, as per usual, he was wearing a simple black shirt and black jeans combo. Probably Thor's idea- to get into what seemed like the festivities of the holiday and try to understand Midgardian customs and people themselves. He wasn't in his usual armor, which was a plus, and those jeans did wonders to his ass and thighs which was awesome, and why was she thinking this he was a bad guy who almost destroyed New York- a hot bad guy. Damn it.

Loki was looking at her with a frown of his own.

Darcy caught him. "Got a problem?"

"… … Why?" Loki repeated.

Darcy threw her hands up. "Is that gonna be everyone's reaction?" She huffed. "Look bro, you have some damn fine good fashion sense, or a damn good seamstress, whatever it is. If I like it, I go after it when I can, so here I am, and I will sell it."

The music stopped abruptly, and a familiar beat started in place of it. Darcy and Bobbi squealed and hurried to the dance floor Pepper and Jarvis had set up earlier, and Clint groaned.

"Don't stop make it hot baby blow my speakers up."

Clint shook his head, then when he spotted Javis over to the side, he leaned back in his chair to wat the man's arm. "Kesha? Buddy, really?"

Jarvis looked as displeased as he did. "Well, that's what I get for explaining how the speakers and music go. It's his drunken decision." He jabbed a finger in Tony's direction. The billionaire was at the DJ booth, dancing along to the music- even if his version of dancing was just pointing up and moving his hands up and down.

A moment later, he even started singing along. Darcy and Bobbi ran over to join him.

"Oh, bloody Hell…" Jarvis sighed, burying his face in his hands.

Pepper laughed and squeezed his shoulders reassuringly. "Aw, come on. It's Halloween. Let him have some fun."

"Him having fun? Pepper do you remember how much him having fun costs?"

"We can cover it. It'll be fine. He's done worse, right?" Pepper asked. She looked like she regretted it a moment later.

"Just remember you're the one who said it." Jarvis replied.

Both turned back towards Tony, and sure enough, Tony was shooting off the small lasers that Jarvis had installed into the suit's pointer fingertips a few days prior, bringing down small bits of the ceiling as he did so. Jarvis tossed the silver tray beside him with oddly perfect accuracy to deflect two chunks of ceiling that were about to fall on top of Bruce. He bolted over to Tony, somehow managing to throw enough of his weight into the suited-up man to knock him off his feet and therefore away from the booth and further opportunity to cause harm. Part of the window behind them got cracked from the laser in the process, but that was an easy, forgivable fix.

Darcy and Bobbi were reduced to giggles. Darcy stopped to note that they "totally almost died", but were right back to laughing moments later.

They made it back to the table, and, to everyone surprisie (and worry, for that matter), Darcy turned around and dropped into Loki's lap. She took her glass off the table and raised it, and spared a quick glance at him, satisfied at the confused look he sported. She turned back to the crowd, found one of the hired cocktail waitresses, and, sporting the closest fake accent she could to imitate him, called out, "Midgardian! Fetch me more of this your people call… champagne!" She called.

Clint looked at Jane and Steve, who were looking back at him. Out of mere precaution, he reached back and touched the bow there, just in case things got ugly. Just because it was a holiday didn't mean he couldn't actually bring his real weapons of choice. Loki and Tony were in the same room with at least a hundred people, after all.

He couldn't stop his eyebrow from twitching as he noticed that Loki had his hand splayed just above the small of Darcy's back, though. He was actually making sure she didn't go falling backward, and judging by the little smirk that was growing on his face, not only was he literally protecting her neck, he was humoring her. He took a drink of water, more to distract himself than anything, then almost choked when Darcy turned in Loki's lap and the God's jaw tightened for a split second, like he was… no. Don't go there, Clint. Don't go there. Last time that happened you couldn't get the image of Wade and her out of your brain doing… stuff. No. Never again. Never. It was enough that Wade was halfway across the room dressed as Spiderman and had already glanced at Darcy like a piece of meat. And hold on a second, did Loki just stare at Darcy's chest? No, maybe not. Breathe, Clint. Breathe. Stop playing big brother. You're in a room with at least ten people who can kill him anyway.

Darcy pointed at Thor. "You! Brother! I hate you, and I'm going to destroy our home and where I was from and Earth to prove it, because that makes complete sense!"

It was Jane's turn to give Darcy a disapproving frown. She looked between the brothers. "Darcy…"

"Oh, fine." Darcy sighed. "Then what else?. "Clint! Midgardian! Let me use you and assume you're useful because you're one of three who survived me attack! Hwa!" She poked him in the stomach.

Everyone was silent now, busy trying to read Loki, who still seemed to keep a poker face no matter what imitation. Thor was the only one who seemed amused at the whole thing, more at his friend's behavior than the ridicule of his brother.

Noting the silence, Darcy leaned back. "Oh, woe is me, everyone hates me, let me go cry in the corner and blame everything on anyone but me!" She slid back, and Loki slid his hand back again so she wouldn't go falling.

Darcy giggled, completely lost to the alcohol. She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and bolted upright again, almost falling out of Loki's lap despite his efforts to keep her there. "Oh my God- someone get me _a pole_!"

"NO!" Jarvis and Pepper shouted from across the room, more worried about what a drunken Tony would do with the pole more than whatever she had planned for it to imitate Loki.

Wade, on the other hand, had heard it and perked up a bit, looking right at her.

Jarvis spotted the look and hit him upside the head and disappeared into the crowd before Wade could even turn to see his attacker.

Darcy laughed again, then looked at Loki, who was wearing a similar expression to the one he had when he first saw her all dressed up. "Miss. Lewis, I hardly believe I whine that much, nor do I sound anything like that."

"I've heard different about the whining."

Loki couldn't hide his scowl that time.

But Darcy didn't seem to mind. She continued with the imitation, despite everyone's 'can't you see we're screaming on the inside?!' looks. When Loki had an argument against something, she countered it. It continued for nearly two hours, and by then, most of the guests were starting to clear out.

Darcy eventually stepped out for a bathroom break and to get away from the literal hot air in the room, and everyone but Tony and Jarvis were too distracted to notice that Loki had disappeared a few minutes after that.

When Tony spotted him leaving and noticed Darcy was gone, he elbowed his way through the crowd to Jarvis, then pointed at Loki's retreating back. "I'd go after him but I have guests, Buddy."

Jarvis nodded, then put his arms behind his back, threading his fingers together. He leaned over to be heard over the music. "Follow them with the magnum or taser, sir?"

"Taser- nooo, that would be too… repetitive. Magnum. Magnum because watching him get shot would be more fun." Tony replied.

Jarvis nodded, and the two parted ways.

* * *

"Found you,"

Darcy turned sharply at the unexpected sound, and considered herself lucky that she recognized Lokis drawl in that moment it took, because his mouth was on hers in the next moment. Well, not as much on as over. She was plenty aware it was a weird kiss, but the thought occurred to her that he might have been attempting to eat her- oooh, there were about five different ways that could go that she was suddenly adoring, because damn, the man-god knew what he was doing. And then he was doing fantastic things and God, she hadn't gotten any in a while. She should not have been turned on that quickly.

Once he released her, Darcy raised her eyebrows at him. "All that over this?" She motioned at the costume.

Loki chuckled and leaned somehow closer to her.

Darcy looked down and saw that his new spot left just about no space between them. That's okay, she wasn't counting on breaking, giving the scenario anyway.

"No, Miss. Lewis. Not… just that." He gave her an appreciative up and down glance. "Though I do enjoy seeing a woman with good taste- in more ways then one, it seems."

_Holy shit. "_Even Midgardians?"Darcy cracked a smile.

Loki leaned even closer and Darcy was starting to wonder how the laws of physics made this work, then she remembered he was a God and could probably bend them. Heh. She could go places with that phrase, too. "I'm willing to make an exception for the girl who took Thor down with a weapon that uses something of his creation against him and can match me in wit any day."

The taser. Darcy recalled, though she didn't know how she managed to, because her mind (and legs for that matter) were just about mush. She tried not to yelp when she could've sworn she felt his teeth graze her neck. _Damn it, if clothes don't start getting ripped off in ten seconds…_

Loki let out another dark chuckle, and she wondered if he still had the power to read her mind.

"Oh, Miss. Lewis, there may just be time for that, and yes, mind reading is still intact, much to most of my family's disappointment."

_Fuck. _

This time she felt him smirk against her neck.

"And if I can get that time alone with you for that, then you may want to hold onto this." He plucked at the edges of the costume.

Darcy only managed out a little whimper, more so when he laughed once again. And suddenly, his weight was gone. She opened his eyes. He was gone period.

_That narcissistic, teasing little shit. _

God, Clint was right. She was in love with a psychopath.

Oh well. She always did have an interest in bad boys. She could deal. Now all she needed to do was go home and have a cold shower.


End file.
